If you’re planning to visit Chile, don’t even think of bringing salmon along. I mean, I know it’s hard to leave your pets at home, but trust me, they will be safer and happier.
Consider the following news item spotted on SeafoodSource’s website: “Chilean authorities dealing with a rise in salmon stick-ups.” In a nutshell, former drug dealers or bank robbers are switching to the lucrative and relatively low-risk career of stealing trucks full of innocent dead fish.
“According to a recent report…in the end of January 2019 five thieves approached a truck parked along Chile’s 5 South freeway…, tied up the driver and stole the truck along with 22,500 kilograms of salmon valued at…US$305,000.”
Which brought to mind The Arrogant Worms’ “Last Saskatchewan Pirate,” with a few tweaks:
“Well, I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine
I had a little patch of poppies along the border line
But times went bad and though I tried the cops were always there
Then soldiers came and took my land and told me fair is fair
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
“Hire you now?” they laughed, “We just let twenty go!”
The government they promised me a measly little sum
But I’ve got too much pride to end up just another bum
Then I thought, Who needs their charity?
I’m going to be a FISH PIRATE on the highways of Chile!”
Note: In order for this immortal ditty to rhyme, you need to mispronounce Chile as if it is the bean-based food chili.